I have neglected this blog for a long time. My apologies, mea culpa.
I stopped going to yoga for a whole month as I went to Europe. And as soon as I got back, I made sure I went back to yoga class.
And boy was that HORRIBLE! Horrible I swear. I've never EVER got so dizzy in class, never got nauseated even on my first time. But a month of no yoga, when I went back, I found myself sitting down half the time during the floor series. QUE HORROR! And twice I asked Ryan to let me out of the room and he didn't! He told me to sit down straight and just breathe. On all accounts he was really hard on me. Hello, he didn't let me out but 5 minutes later a girl went out because she was about to throw up. I understand though, Ryan does expect more from me.
Mental note: when you're gonna be away for quite awhile, find a way to practice yoga wherever you are. Pfft.
There's really no cure for that but to keep going to class. And I did. I didn't go back to my crazy yoga - everyday routine. I gave myself the time to ease myself in and get used to everything again.
Guess what? My flexibility became exceedingly better. As in I was surprised myself ! I can finally do splits (although I still need work on my Russian splits). My standing bow is a lot better, my legs 90 degrees up. I can do that "Japanese ham sandwich" perfectly already. I can do that pigeon thing with one leg touching your head. And my face is flat on my calves, knees locked, heels off the floor, when I do that stretchy thingy while sitting down (pardon me I never bothered to know what the name of the poses are).
Ryan said it's because I lost a lot of weight. True. I did lose a lot of weight during my Euro trip, and I lost more when I got home. My hideous 4 packs are back.. only good thing there is that I'm starting to regain my curves , my "sex cut" and my insane "back valley".. Oh, let's not forget the fabulous arms. My body adjusts very fast. I'm grateful for that. But I have to admit, my back strength is still week, my balance is still sucky.. well, at least my flexibility is not an issue. Better than not being good in anything at all. :)
I admittedly haven't attended any advanced class, it's been 2 months I think. I really miss the class, but then work gets in the way.
One of these days I'll go back.. I do enjoy pushing myself to the limit till I become what others call me, "A human rubber band" :D
Release
I swear to God yoga really teaches me a lot of things about life.
I've already told you everything.
But these days it's only yoga that makes me feel better. All that endorphine high really makes everything better for me.
But if there's one thing that yoga thought me, it's to breathe. In any situation, whether good or bad, when you're overwhelmed, just breathe. In yoga meditation, we are taught the same breathing exercise but then you recite something. A mantra. Some say "Ba Ba Ba" repeatedly (It means Father) and in my case, I say "Jesus Jesus Jesus" while breathing deeply.
Now you won't believe this because I smoke a lot (and I smoke reds). But when I do the breathing exercise, I'm one of those students who can really suck in the most air, and my exhale seems endless. Don't ask me, I don't know either.
There is a lot that you can get out of breathing. Besides, yoga means union. Union between the physical and the emotional. When physically you're well, everything else will follow. It's really true. My biggest problem even in yoga is my balance. My legs are not strong enough yet. It's the same with my life. I find it hard to find balance, although I'm not quitting. I noticed though, with yoga it became easy for me to keep my balance, unlike my usual "extremes" bi-polar self.
But the basic is really simple: Breathe. Just breathe. Let the air seep through your body and mind.
Tonight the class was jampacked. The room was unbelievably hot. And it was hell for all of us. But Carol (our instructor for this evening) told us something that got me through.
"You either think that the heat is a bad thing or you can think it's a great thing"
The heat is there. It's a given. You can't ask the instructor to open the door, you just have to deal. You have to go through it. No turning back. No stopping unless your world is spinning already.
Granted, I've been having a bad few weeks. And I guess my perspective was just impaired by what I was feeling.
Same with yoga class. If you focus on the heat, you'll never get through it. But if you allow yourself to feel it, to acknowledge it, to be one with it, you'll get through. Besides, that's why you're in bikram yoga. If you can't handle the heat, there are other kinds of yoga that you can do.
And in that heat, that insane heat that will literally make you wish you lived in Antartica, all you have to do is breathe. In anything you do, just breathe. You have to be able to breathe comfortably, except maybe in poses where you have to do 20-80 breathing. In which case, you have to know when to breathe in and breathe out. Imagine yourself like a machine.. Inhale as much as you can, and then get in the pose. You know that steaming sound you hear from machines before they move? It's the same. But you have to breathe. You won't be able to improve your flexibility if your muscles are tights. yOU have to loosen it up and the way to do it primarily is to breathe. Fresh oxygen in your body does wonders to your flexibility I promise.
Thing is, that breathing can be applied to your everyday life. When you're overwhelmed, bothered, whatnot, your heart starts to race. And how do you deal with that? No not by feeding your mind with worse thoughts, but just breathe. Breathe and you'll be able to focus, getting rid of that emotional pain and be able to think clearly.
Hell, You don't know how many times I did a yoga pose just to slow my heart down. I just go to the restroom , stride 4 feet apart, pigeon toed, hold my arms sidewards, and lean forward until your head is in between your feet. It sounds ridiculous but it works.
You know if I had the choice, when I'm feeling bad, I'd want to practice yoga the entire day. 7 takes, back to back why not? Just do yoga until my body surrenders... because trust me, after back to back sessions, your body WILL surrender out of sheer exhaustion.
Another thing I learned from yoga? Don't push yourself too much. Heck, I'm guilty of that.. and I've pulled my muscles painfully from overstretching. Not a good idea because when you go back to class the next day, you'll be in an immense amount of paaaaaiiiiin! Know your limit, as Joyce would say , "wherever that is for you this evening/afternoon" because really, no one will force you to go further than you can... well to be honest in my case, instructors push me more when I do well... Ryan would always say, when you can do all the basic postures almost perfectly, it's just a matter of perfecting them more.. minor adjustments.. Minor my ass, it gets harder when you try to perfect everything. Seriously.. you'd think when you've gotten everything right you're safe? Wrong. You still perfect the pose and you'll realize, goddamn I'm not so flexible as I thought after all.
But just like anything else, you do things right as much as you can and eventually you'll get it.
Patience. Breathe. Know your limits.
Who'd know I'd learn all that from yoga?
It's just a matter of applying it to your daily life. Actually, even without you knowing it, you will end up applying everything in real life. It all just follows. Man, after all that torture from class, if that doesn't stick to your head, I don't know what will.
To me, when I encounter difficult situations, I just think, hell, if I can survive yoga class, if I can think clearly there and focus, I can do it in real life too. It's all just a matter of perspective.
So with that, I bid everyone goodnight. To yoginis/yogis reading my blog, I hope it helps to know "you're not hte only one"... to those who are not into yoga, I hope you can at least try it, and hopefully like it enough to go back to class the next day. Because really, just like life, you win, you lose, as long as you're alive, we always have the next day to make things right, to learn more. :)
Namaste.
